A Very Yuri Nativity – Part 2
Posted on | December 27, 2007 | 6 Comments |
Part 2
BLACK CURTAIN – NARRATOR steps out from behind the curtain
N: A few months later, a letter was delivered to the both of them. It was a request for a census of the entire yuri world. Takamachi Nanoha, king AND queen of all yuri-kind had decided that a census be taken of the bust sizes of all girls; for her own personal records. And so each girl had to travel back to their own high school to be measured.
And so it was that Sakura and Tomoyo started the long journey back to Tokyo; for they had both gone to high school there.
CURTAIN lifts
EXT Outside St. Miator’s Academy, DAY. A very pregnant SAKURA and TOMOYO wait patiently outside the gates, ringing the intercom. NARRATOR does a double take.
N: Wha? You’re already here? But you only left two hours ago!
TOMOYO: (smiling sweetly) We took the Shinkansen!
N: But…Oh, never mind.
T: There’s no way I was going to let my Sakura go the whole way on a donkey in her condition, was there?
SAKURA: (sweatdrops) Tomoyo chan…
N: Well, anyway! Even though they arrived two weeks early. (glares at TOMOYO who smiles innocently) when they reached the dorms they found that there was no place for the couple to stay…
EXT Outside Ichigosha dorms, DAY. SAKURA and TOMOYO stand outside the doorway blocked by SHIZUMA. She is defiant. Her long skirt ruffles.
SHIZUMA: I told you – there’s no room at the dorms! What do you think this place is? A freaking Travelodge? You can’t just turn up here in the middle of term and expect there to be a room for you two!
SHIZUMA’s skirt ruffles
T: But we have travelled all this way, and my wife is heavily pregnant…
SHIZUMA looks at SAKURA who blushes. Her skirt ruffles. SHIZUMA opens her mouth to say something, thinks better of it and closes it again.
Sh:(after a pause) How is that even possible??
S: (embarrassed) Well…Oharuhi-sama’s spirit…Tomoyo-chan’s…erm…this and that…(fades into mumbles)
T: (sweetly) What she wants to say is that I was suffused with the spirit of Oharuhi-sama and I grew a great big…(SHIZUMA’s skirt ruffles) What in Oharuhi-sama’s name is going on under your skirt?
TOMOYO lifts up the dress. A very red faced NAGISA emerges, panting.
NAGISA: Please, Shizuma sama! I can’t breathe under here!
Sh: No! You’re not allowed out until you’ve served your punishment!
NAGISA whimpers and ducks back under the skirt. The skirt ruffles. SHIZUMA looks impassive.
T: I won’t ask.
NARRATOR: And so, the couple were forced to stay in the nurse’s office, since there was no room for them at the dorms. And soon, amongst the people who-had-a-fever-from-getting-cold-water-splashed-on-them and the couples-who-believe-this-medical-screens-are-soundproof, a baby girl was born unto them. And they named her Shizuru, for this is what the angel had told them.
INT Nurse’s office, DAY. SAKURA is in the bed, cradling infant SHIZURU. She is feeding.
TOMOYO: she sre loves breastfeeding, doesn’t she?
SAKURA sweatdrops.
NARRATOR: Far away across campus, three shepherdesses were tending to their flock…
EXT Field, DAY. YAYA, HIKARI and TSUBOMI are lazing under a huge chestnut tree. HIKARI is snoozing. Nearby, a single sheep who looks suspiciously like AMANE chews thoughtfully on some choice grass.YAYA yawns and slips her arm around HIKARI’s shoulder and into her top. HIKARI mutters something unintelligible in her sleep. TSUBOMI whacks YAYA with a harisen.
TSUBOMI: (indignant) Yaya-sempai! Stop molesting Hikari-sempai!
YAYA: Are you jealous,, Tsubomi-chan? She’s so cute when she’s asleep, isn’t she?
Ts: Yes…I mean no! That’s not what I was thinking!
Y: All you have to do is take your hands and…
YAYA grabs TSUBOMI’s hands and places them firmly on HIKARI’s breasts. HIKARI, for her part, decides that now is a good time to wake up.
HIKARI: Mmm is that you, Tsubomi-chan?
Ts: (so flustered that she forgets to remove her hands) No! I! Not what you’re thinking! Definitely not molesting you! YAYA SEMPAI!!!
YAYA snickers. Not unlike Muttley.
NARRATOR: And as they worked hard tending their flock (glares at them, to no avail), an angel of Oharuhi-sama appeared to them in a blaze of the usual glory.
There is a FLASH and MIKURU appears, blushing a bit more than last time. Her hair is a little disheveled and there is a rather SUSPICIOUS RED MARK on her neck. She looks down at the scene below where YAYA has started to molest TSUBOMI from behind.
MIKURU: I bring great news from oHaru…hi. Oh, I see you’re busy with (blushes) private things. I’ll come back later.
Ts: (momentarily breaking free of YAYA’s perverted hands) WAIT!
MIKURU turns
Ts: What news…STOP IT YAYA-SEMPAI….What news do you bring us from the great Oharuhi-sama – lord of all that is yuri?
M: (clears her throat) To us this day is born a saviour of all yuri-kind. Rejoice, for she is born; in a nurse’s office for there was no room at the dorm. Travel ye now and worship her, then spread the word of what you have seen so that others may know of her presence. All praise to Oharuhi-sama.
All: Oharuhi-sama.
HARUHI appears in a puff of smoke.
HARUHI: Did some one call for me? (Notices MIKURU) Ah there you are, Mikuru-chan! I’ve been looking for you everywhere. There’s this new thing that Tomoyo gave me from last time that I’ve just been dying to try out. On you, of course.
HARUHI grabs MIKURU by the wings and starts to drag her out of shot.
M: Auuu~~
Ha: Mikuru, stop complaining – I’m told some people like it up there…
They vanish.
HIKARI: We must travel to the nurse’s office to offer our praises to the new born Saviour.
Ts: But what offering can we, humble shepherdesses hope to bring to such a great being?
They look at YAYA. YAYA doesn’t say anything, but gets up and walks stealthily towards AMANE-SHEEP. Just at the last moment, AMANE-SHEEP notices YAYA approaching her, arms outstretched and makes a move to run in the opposite direction. YAYA zaps AMANE-SHEEP with a TASER and it collapses in a heap.
YAYA: I love being a shepherdess.
End Part 2
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December 27th, 2007 @ 11:04 pm
YEAH FOR PART 2!!! THIS IS SO GREAT! I lol’ed so much when the shepherdesses were yuri-raping each other. I’m glad that Oharuhi-sama returned. You forgot one part though. Remember that Mary’s (Sakura) cousin was pregnant with John at the same time? YOU SHOULD Have made JOHN NATSUKI!!!! That would’ve been perfect.
Part 3 please!!!
December 28th, 2007 @ 2:06 am
What about their costumes? a sheep skin for Amane?
December 28th, 2007 @ 3:51 am
Another excellent work of art
“Ha: Mikuru, stop complaining – I’m told some people like it up there…”
That is just like Haruhi I can perfectly imagine her saying that to Mikuru.
December 28th, 2007 @ 5:23 am
Ahahah that was great. I was laughing all the way through the last part and this one too. I’m surprised that you can fit all the yuri in while also keeping all the characters so in character . Keep up the excellent writing, it’s very entertaining. Part 3 please =D
December 28th, 2007 @ 11:51 am
I think rather than “I won’t ask” “(awkward silence)” would fit better. Just a thought. Frikkin hilarious though :P
December 28th, 2007 @ 3:48 pm
This story’s hilariously funny, it’d be cooler if it were in doujin form, just cuz’ I’d like to see all of Tomoyo’s expressions! X3