Yuri to Boushi to Hon no Tabibito

A Shoujo ai centred Weblog

A Very Yuri Nativity – Part 4

Posted on | December 30, 2007 | 2 Comments |

Hmm, so far this has mainly been limited in how much I can be bothered to type up at one time rather than my actual speed of writing…Hopefully all of this will be out before the Christmas decorations come down ^_^

Part 4

INT Workshop DAY. KONOKA is working on something at one of the workbenches, Suddenly, she raises her hands as if in victory and turns round towards the AUDIENCE.

KONOKA: Secchan come here I want you!

After a BEAT, SETSUNA runs in, redfaced and disheveled. She quickly adjusts a bra-strap that had slipped out of place and smoothes her crumpled shirt.

SETSUNA: What is it, Kono-chan?

K: Oh my Oharuhi-sama, I finished it!

S: Finished what, Kono-chan?

K: Only the greatest tool in yuri technology, Secchan! I mean, think about it, when I’m screwing you, I’m only screwing you half the time! The rest of the time I’m pulling out! But not with inwards strapons – see?

KONOKA hold up her invention, which is clearly two of TOMOYO’s DEVICES strapped together with DUCT TAPE. SETSUNA looks skeptical.

S: Isn’t that…two…you knows…stuck together?

K: No! It’s so much more! There’s also duct tape! And wheely things! And this is where the batteries go…

KONOKA continues explaining the ins and outs of the inward strapon to a rapidly flagging SETSUNA. EVANGELINE walks in, in a rather greater state of undress than SETSUNA. She is wearing a long shirt just over white lace panties. She grins evilly towards SETSUNA. SETSUNA blushes.

E: What in Oharuhi-sama’s name are you making so much racket for? I.Am.Trying.To.Get.Some.Sleep. No respect for one’s elders; that’s what’s wrong with today’s society…

KONOKA holds up the INWARD STRAPON, proudly. SETSUNA sweatdrops.

E: Is that…two…

K: It’s my Inward Strapon! You see, when this part is going out…

E:(interrupting) Yes, yes. You know that was already invented in 1770? It was a big hit for a while, but people just didn’t need that many…appendages.

BEAT. SETSUNA looks at KONOKA who looks like a VOLCANO OF EPIC PROPORTIONS

K: Damn you Evangeline! You’ve always got to spoil everything I create! Even my “Flavour your own Dental Dams” and my Portable Gaydar – you’ve always had something bad to say about them…

E: Well, for one thing, your Portable Gaydar was the size of a small pachyderm…

K: …on a trolley! It had a trolley!

E: …on a trolley. Never mind the fact that it also pointed out barn dances and Christian rock festivals. And whatever made you think that people would like haddock flavoured dental dams is probably illegal in at least five countries.

K:(quietly) You’re fired from the Nativity.

E: What?

K: (louder) You heard me!

E: (angry) Who wants to be in this stupid Nativity anyway? I’m not even gay for Haruhi’s sake.

S: (blushes) But what about last night? When you held me…and told me…you…loved me.

E: Oh please; you believed that? From me? You were the one with her tongue probing the depths the likes of which no one has gone before. That doesn’t make me gay.

SETSUNA coughs and glances at KONOKA, but she has gone back to admiring her INWARD STRAPON.

K: What?

E: Never mind…

NARRATOR: Suddenly, the angel of the lord Haruhi-sama appeared with the voice of the heavenly host singing her praises.

MIKURU appears, looking distinctly more disheveled than before. She looks to have discarded her white robe for the moment in favour of a SCHOOL SWIMSUIT which is definitely at least two sizes too small. She tries her best to cover her womanly parts, but to no avail.

MIKURU: (stammers) I-I-I b-ring g-good news. A m-messiah h-has been born in S-St. Miator’s A-academy in the E-east. Y-you must t-t-travel…(She pauses and whimpers).

Haruhi-sama, c-can I take t-this out now? It’s b-been over s-s-six hours…

HARUHI: (VO) No way! Get on with it and get back here for your daily divine punishment!

MIKURU whimpers again. The others become aware of a subtle whirring sound.

K: What is that sound? Is that…is that an inward strapon?

MIKURU blushes and nods.

K: DAMN IT! OHARUHI-SAMA!

H:(VO) I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that!

FADE TO BLACK

NARRATOR: And so it was that the three wise women travelled to the east in search of the promised Child bearing gifts of great value. Though having been Interrupted in her Divine Task, the Angel had neglected to tell them how to find Her. Luckily, the aura of yuri contentment radiated out so strongly from the place that She was born that they only had to follow the cries of orgasmic fulfilment towards their goal.

But as they entered the land of Japan, the Evil king Nanoha heard tales of their journey and bade them pay tribute to her.

INT Castle throne room, DAY. NANOHA is seated in her throne, surrounded by scantily clad maidens fanning her with palm leaves. SETSUNA, KONOKA and EVANGELINE enter, bowing before her.

S: Noble Nanoha, king of all that you see, benefactor of all yuri since Sailor Moon and guardian of all scents piscine in nature, we welcome your invitation and bow our heads in tribute.

K: Great Nanoha, keeper of all wooden phallic objects, inventor of the numbers six and nine, triumphant conqueror of the cursed dental dam, we offer our sincerest praises in your name.

E: Immortal Nanoha, master of sodomy and yuriraper of innocents, greatest purveyor of the magazines of the top shelf, all powerful moderator of the XXXLESBIAN AOL chatrooms, primary profitmonger of premium rate telephone numbers, placer of over 1000 lonely hearts advertisements, abolisher of the minimum tip system for female prostitutes, lowerer of the minimum age for concubines…OW!

KONOKA slaps EVANGELINE upside the head. NANOHA looks at her, mildly annoyed.

NANOHA: Yes, yes enough of all that. Why do you come to this land, wise women? What do you come in search of?

K: The angels of Oharuhi sama have told us of a great saviour born to all yuri-kind. We have followed the sounds of orgasmic contentment for many hundreds of miles to this very city, in order to worship her and rejoice.

N: But surely not greater than I? Have I not given myself above and beyonf the call of my royal status to further the contentment of lesbians everywhere?

S: You have, my liege, but the angels proclaimed that she would be born a child of Oharuhi-sama and a servant to no other.

N: (booms) A CHILD OF OHARUHI-SAMA?

NANOHA slumps back in her throne in shock.

N: Fan me harder! Where is my royal head concubine?

FATE enters the chamber shakily wearing a silky see-through shift which does nothing to conceal the fact that all she wears underneath is an intricate rope arrangement in place of underwear. Evidently walking was extremely pleasurable…or painful…or both.

FATE: Here, my lord.

N: Service me!

FATE starts to slowly dance, shedding parts of her skimpy outfit. NANOHA nods greedily in approval.

N: Bring me my Royal Sodomisation Device!

One other concubine enters, carrying a silver platter, on which rests something resembling the apparatus of a tribal fertility god. FATE looks terrified, but keeps dancing. Two concubines take the device and attach it to NANOHA who reclines lazily in her throne.

N: (to KONOKA, SETSUNA and EVANGELINE) Well, if this is the case, then you must continue your journey to find this child and rejoice! But afterwards, you must return here and tell me where to find Her so I too may visit her to bask in her heavenly glory.

All: It shall be done O plunderer of the great chocolate depths.

They get up to leave.

N: Fate-chan, come over here and sit in my lap…

FATE stops dancing and turns to look pleadingly at the retreating wise women, but only EVANGELINE notices.

F: (mouthing) Please.Help.Me.

EVANGELINE shrugs

E: You’re on your own, kid. I hear some people like it up there.

FATE whimpers

FADE to BLACK.

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Category: Fanfiction, Humour?, Shoujo-ai

Comments

2 Responses to “A Very Yuri Nativity – Part 4”

  1. lol_matt
    December 30th, 2007 @ 9:23 pm

    i love how clueless-ly yuri you made Konoka in this one:

    “It has duct tape!! And wheely things!!”

  2. YuribouFan
    January 1st, 2008 @ 4:31 am

    Man that was the best completely awesome work Yuribou that has to be the best one yet.

    My three favorite parts was when:

    1.”S: Isn’t that…two…you knows…stuck together?

    K: No! It’s so much more! There’s also duct tape! And wheely things! And this is where the batteries go…”

    2. “K: Great Nanoha, keeper of all wooden phallic objects, inventor of the numbers six and nine, triumphant conqueror of the cursed dental dam, we offer our sincerest praises in your name.

    E: Immortal Nanoha, master of sodomy and yuriraper of innocents, greatest purveyor of the magazines of the top shelf, all powerful moderator of the XXXLESBIAN AOL chatrooms, primary profitmonger of premium rate telephone numbers, placer of over 1000 lonely hearts advertisements, abolisher of the minimum tip system for female prostitutes, lowerer of the minimum age for concubines…OW!”

    3. “E: You’re on your own, kid. I hear some people like it up there.”-This is a reference to Part I or II lol.

    But anyways excellent work as always Yuribou.

    Later

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